I'd Rather be in School...

In six days amazing things will happen. I will have screenwriting class again instead of this class. I hate that I have to wait six days. I want it to start because it will give me something to look forward to at the end of the school day. Not that I have a problem with this class I have now, but screenwriting is just more exciting. Before I get to screenwriting though, I have to get through a weekend.

Weekends are pretty pointless for me. I'm sure a lot of people would freak out if they knew, but I like school better than weekends a lot of the time. It's not just that I like learning, because I've always liked learning. It's just that things are great and I'm getting stuff done and it's a good environment. School for me is better than it's ever been before. It still is good to have a break though.

I want a lot of people I know to read this post. If that happens then some of these people would talk about how weird I was because I like school. Well, those people can do that. It's better that people know and don't like it than no one knowing at all. But the main reason I want people to read this is because I'm sure other people have been in similar situations when they're afraid to say something about themselves because it's not cool or something. I used to not want to tell anyone this but now I have. I hope this inspires others to do the same.

Hello World!

One time I asked a friend of mine how to say "world" in Spanish because I wanted to say "hello world!"

When I asked her, she said "Yo no sé." so I shouted "¡Hola yo no sé!"

Then she told me that "yo no sé" meant I don't know, and she said it because she didn't know how to say "world" in Spanish.

We both laughed because I had said "hello I don't know!"

So my afterschool group didn't work out. So what. It's the end of one thing, but now something new will begin. One door may have closed, but another door will open.

I'm saying goodbye to this one plan but I can say hello to some new opportunity that will come. I don't know what that will be yet, but it will be something. So for me it's time to say "¡Hola yo no sé!" "Hello I don't know!"

All Time Low

It's all messed up. Even more messed up than before any of this started. No one showed up to my afterschool group. Now I have absolutely zero idea about what to do.

svufiqueh ivuybqieurghnivhqerughnvunvwurg vuihieuhgh

Uggggghhhhhhh! What is the point! I wasted too much time on something no one cared about. And now what? Nothing. NOTHING came out of it. I was so wrong when I thought this would work. Now I'm lost and I don't know where to go.

Moment of Truth

Soon I will know what the outcome of all my efforts for this afterschool group will be. Today will either be the end of it all, or just the beginning. Or both. I don't know, but soon I will.

I'm anxious, even though I know there's nothing I can do about it anymore. Just wait and see where the day takes me. I have to be calm and not freak out if things don't go the way I planned. All I can do is hope.

There are moments like this in everyone's lives. Moments of truth. I'm about to run right into one. But this moment right now is like a moment of serenity. The calm before the storm. Hanging on to what I have the last second before it's gone. What will replace it is unsure. So I sit calmly with what I have until everything changes.

I'm prepared for this change as much as I can be. I can never be fully prepared. Because if we expect the unexpected, the expected becomes the unexpected. Even if we try and think of everything that could happen, there's always going to be one scenario we miss. And that's the scenario that's going to happen.

It's like being in a rainstorm. You think you're prepared because you have an umbrella. But then the umbrella breaks, and you get soaked. Sometimes though, getting soaked isn't a bad thing. Sometimes the rain refreshes you, gives you hope, makes you realize how lucky you are that you can be here and you can enjoy it and let it go and let yourself get wet.

I don't know how this is going to go, but soon I will. Will my umbrella protect me? And if it doesn't, will the rain depress me, or will it make my happy? I'm excited, I'm ready,  and I'm glad that today is finally here.

Tomorrow

Wednesday, January 25, 2012. It's the day I've been waiting for since the beginning of school in 2012. And it is tomorrow. Tomorrow I will attempt to start an afterschool group. This has been my goal for the past few weeks. It has given me something to focus on. And tomorrow I will either achieve this goal... or not. It remains to be seen.

I've put so much time and effort into this that if it doesn't work, I don't know what I'll do. Come up with a new goal I guess. But what? The afterschool opportunity just presented itself to me on a poster at the beginning of this year. It was lucky, and I don't think that kind of luck will come my way again.

So tomorrow... I'm nervous, excited, scared, relieved that I won't have to wait any longer, all at the same time. Tomorrow seems like it's going to be a huge explosion, hopefully a good huge explosion. And I think I'm ready for it.

Tables

Tables are a strange thing in school. In some classes we seem to change tables every few weeks. In some classes, we never change tables.

This can get kind of annoying, all these different tables changing or not. But I think I can do pretty well at any table. There are good things about every group of people and bad things. In fact, every person has good things and bad things about them.

So even at the times when I really want to switch tables, which isn't often, I might not end up with a table that's a whole lot better, just different. But sometimes different is just what I need.

Same if it's the other way around. If I really want to stay at my table, and then we switch, it still would probably be good for me because it's a change. Some people hate change, but I think change is good and also important.

Even just a change in table is important. There are so many things I wouldn't have done, or it would have been harder for me to do, if I wouldn't have been at certain tables.

Small things matter. That's what I have to say. Small things like tables and changes in tables.

And there are more of these table changes coming my way. I have good reasons to believe that things are going to switch up again soon. I can't be sure, you know, nothing is certain. These new table changes I'm dreading, but also excited for. Because the worst case scenario is I'll just learn something new. The best case scenario is I'll learn something new, and enjoy it too.

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas?

The first snow. Finally. Well, if you want to be really exact it was the second snow. There was that one tiny snow a few weeks ago, but today was the first real snowstorm that actually left snow all over the ground.

I wonder why people associate snow with Christmas. Why people (including myself) always want a "White Christmas". I guess because it's a winter holiday and snow just completes the holiday scene. There are so many Christmas cards with those wintery scenes that people just expect Christmas to be like that.

So I guess the first Christmas snow was a bit late. And it kind of turned into freezing rain towards the end there. But it was beautiful. There's no denying that. Well I guess there is because "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" and all that. But I always think snow is beautiful thing.

Messed Up Time

The time is all messed up on this blog. Right now it's 3:19 PM. But the time will probably show as midnight or something weird. I don't know why it's like this.

Woohoo. It's a blog. I don't even know why I called it that. I just did because it was random, and at that point I felt like being sarcastic because I wasn't as excited as I am now. Now I kind of like this blog. It's good to have a secret journal that everybody can see. Sometimes that's how I think of it - a journal that's open to the public. Not like anyone cares, but, oh well. I know someone read this once and that's all that matters. That this isn't just for me.

Now, at the top of the page, under "Woohoo. It's a blog." I added "Or maybe it's not. Nothing is certain." I think that's a good addition, because that's my attitude about it now. I don't know what to call it or when to post on it, or what to post. I just post what I feel like at one moment. None of it is certain. But, in my opinion, it's still pretty awesome.

Helplessness

I hate when I have something to do, but I'm not able to do it.

There is so much I need to do, but instead of doing it, I have to sit in this room.

I can't do anything now, except wait. And I've already waited too much in this short life of mine. The difference is, before, I could do something about it. Now I can't.

I want to get out of here. I want it to be tomorrow so I can make the announcement I need to and get ready for the thing I have planned in a week. I really hope it works. I just really really hope it works.

There are some things I can't control. But I will do what I can to make this work.

Everyone Has Something To Offer

As I sit
And I watch
And I hear
The people go by

Sometimes
I just don't get it
I ask myself
Why?

Why do we change from day to day
hour to hour
minute to minute?

I don't understand
but one thing I know
is everyone has something to offer

Everyone can think
Everyone can talk
Everyone can agree and disagree

So even when all hope seems lost
It's not.

There's always someone
who can offer the thing that we need

There's always someone who agrees with us
and someone who disagrees

So though the things they offer may be different
Everyone has something to offer.

Life is Like a Roller Coaster

Life goes up and down all the time. Something really good happens, then something bad. You win, you fail, you win, you fail. Over and over again.

That's why, when I fail, I try not to get too upset about it. Because I know good things will come my way.
Friday (the last resort) was good. Today was bad, then good. Now after all of this roller coaster-ing, I feel good. I am prepared for things to get worse but I'm not being negative. I'm just sitting on this roller coaster of life, enjoying the ride.

Friday Is A Last Resort

resort |riˈzôrt|noun1 a place that is a popular destination for vacations or recreation, or which is frequented for a particular purpose : a seaside resort | a health resort.• archaic the tendency of a place to be frequented by many people : places of public resort.2 the action of turning to and adopting a strategy or course of action, esp. a disagreeable or undesirable one, so as to resolve a difficult situation : Germany and Italy tried to resolve their economic and social failures by resort to fascism.• [in sing. ] a strategy or course of action that may be adopted in a difficult situation : her only resort is surgery.(definition from Oxford American Dictionaries widget)
I'm talking about definition number 2. I don't know. Maybe there's some town called Friday where people go on vacation. Nothing is certain.
But if there is, that's not what I mean. I mean definition number 2. Because Friday is the last day of the school week. So if you want to get something done at school, Friday is your last chance. If you fail Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, there's still that one glimmer of hope called Friday.
I don't like waiting until the last minute. Never have. But sometimes, it's the only way I can get myself to do something. Knowing that it's my last chance.
So Friday is my last resort. Good thing tomorrow is Friday the 13th, because that's my lucky day.
Seriously, it is! For everyone else it's unlucky, so I decided to make it my lucky day. So tomorrow will be a good day!

Seriously?

People are crazy. Yes, I've said it already, but it's true.

They say interesting things
then take them back
they do mean things without a second glance
why?
they hate the world
but laugh at everything?
What does it mean?

Why?

Why does nobody enjoy life? Why?

It just shows that happiness isn't about having a lot of friends. Because many people who have more friends than me seem to not enjoy ife. I don't understand it.

I wish people were more interested in happiness. I wish people were more interested in what I have to say. And not just fake interested. Actually interested. Outside of class. It's like I'm not complete unless I can tell others what I think. And those people need to be interested.

It's not that I mind. Other than that, things are good. It's just one tiny crack, but it's there, and I want to fix it. I can if I try hard enough.

Here, now, I can do this. This is life. You have to make the best of it and fix the problems. Life. It's something we should be more positive about.

Hatastrophe

Someone stole a hat today.
I don't know who.
Threats were flying all around
Threats of bag searching and getting in trouble.
But the hat wasn't found.
Not that I saw.
I still don't get why people would do that.
They just do.

Hat thievery
That's new.

The World Is A Waste Of Time But I Love It

Think about this: one day the world is going to end. We will all die eventually. I's true. The world is a waste of time. All it is is a bunch of atoms stacked on top of each other.

But this doesn't depress me. I really like this world, or at least my little bit of it. Yes there's problems, many problems but there are so many things worth living for. Just sitting in a classroom watching everything around me can be so enjoyable. I don't know why. It just is.

I don't understand why people commit suicide.

There's always something to live for.

This blog has sort of drifted from true stories to thoughts on life. Oh well. Maybe these are true stories. True stories of what I think. These could be true stories. Nothing is certain.

Nothing is certain. I'm going to continue saying that because it's true. That's what makes this world good and what makes it bad. But right now, for me...

Mostly good.

The Sky Is Blue

...or is it?

People always say the sky is blue as if it was something obvious. But the sky isn't always blue. At night it's more black with little white star dots. At sunrise or sunset, the sky can be purple or pink. So no, the sky isn't always blue. So it's weird to declare with such certainty that it is. Nothing is certain.

Oddly enough, though, saying "nothing is certain" is a contradiction in itself. Because if nothing is certain then the phrase "nothing is certain" can't be certain, which means that some things are certain. It doesn't make sense, but then again, this world doesn't make sense.

So I think it's safe to say: Nothing is certain.

But anyway, about the sky being blue. I was thinking about it today. Blue is supposed to be a calming color. So you'd think that people would be more calm, since we have a big blue sky above us. But no one ever looks up. I've made this observation on the top floors of a building when I look down and no one sees me, no one looks up.

There was this one time though, on the third floor of my school, when I looked out the window, and a group of students looked up and saw me. I waved at them. My school never stops surprising me.

So many people don't look up at the sky. They look in front of them, or down at the ground. The ground. You never know what's on the ground. Maybe green grass. It represents growing and life. But all life has to die. So the ground gets all depressing on us. Sometimes on the ground, there's also broken glass and other bad things to step on. That's also bad for looking at the ground.

So maybe people should look up more. Look at the sky, at the white fluffy clouds. It's easier to be optimistic when you're looking at the sky. Look up. That's what people sometimes say when they want someone to be optimistic. So how come no one ever does it? Do people just want to be negative? I really don't know.

Nothing is certain.