Last year when I was learning about global warming, my teacher used the term "positive feedback loop." He was explaining how global warming has certain effects which increase global warming more.
Basically, a positive feedback loop is when one thing increases something else which then increases the first thing. And on and on. So everything just gets bigger and bigger.
After that lesson about global warming, I started thinking about positive feedback loops. It's an interesting concept, and one that we can see in our everyday lives. It may seem surprising but it's true.
The reason why I'm writing this now is that I feel like I'm in the middle of one of these loops right now. Here's how it is.
1. I want to have someone to talk to.
2. I decide to try and interact with people.
3. It ends up not working for some reason (example: I just can't bring myself to interact with anyone)
4. I get upset so...
5. I want to have someone to talk to.
See how it goes? The feeling of wanting someone I can talk to just gets more and more intense. And there are people I can talk to. But there's no one I can talk to about not having anyone to talk to. It's confusing. My life is a confusing mess. But I still love it.
For example, today I went back to school and it was great just to be there again. Just to see everyone. I don't even know any of these people very well, but I just really like the environment of my group. Hearing people talking and fooling around and laughing. It's just great. I love when other people are so happy. But it's kind of bittersweet, because there's always a part of me that wishes I were a part of that.
But I'm not. That's why I try to be. The thing is, I have no idea what to do next. So the positive feedback loop keeps on going.
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