Thinking About Thinking

Sometimes when I'm in bed, trying to get to sleep, I think about thinking.

And now I'm thinking about thinking about thinking!!! That's confusing.

The interesting thing about thinking is we never stop doing it. Even when we're asleep we think, our thoughts just become dreams that often make no sense.

But some people don't like to think. Which is funny, because it's like not liking to breathe. It's something you're going to do whether you like it or not.

What I mean is, some people don't like to think deeply. Those people don't like to think about "what is the point of life? why are we here? is there such thing as true happiness?" and things like that. I guess some people think it's heavy or depressing, but I think it's just a part of life.

By the way, I think the point of life is to help and inspire other people, we are here because the universe just happened to form that way, and there is such thing as true happiness. And sometimes I really like thinking about these things. Just being calm, and wondering. And eventually drifting off to sleep.

There's a place in my school where I sometimes sit at lunch, between my old reading advisory, and my old humanities room, leaning against the door. And from there I can hear the chorus rehearsal. And it's nice to listen to it, think about life. Enjoy myself, even though I'm lonely, because I'm spending lunch alone. Not like that happens a lot any more. But still... sometimes it's nice. Just living. Just thinking.

Because no matter what happens, no matter who comes into your life or who leaves it, you'll always have yourself.

A Short Post

I haven't written a really short post for a while, so that's what I'll do now. I had science club today. I made lights light up using this little computer thing called an Arduino. It's so amazing to be able to press a button and a light comes on, and then press another button, and the light goes off. It's great.

Science is comforting to me. If I have a bad day, and then I have science club, it's not such a bad day anymore. Because I lit up a light. Seems symbolic. But I'm thinking back to those days when I had no power, no lights, and that was kind of nice too, in a way. It was peaceful, and I did some fun things. And though it wasn't great being in the cold darkness, it wasn't all bad.

There's always something good, I guess. Sometimes it's just hidden really well. 

Plan-tastic!

I like having plans. It makes me feel like everything is clear. If I do this and then do this, then this will happen.

But really, plans seem to mean nothing. There are so many variables in the world that you can never be sure of the outcome of anything. So what's the point of planning? For example (and if you've been reading this blog you knew I was going to say this) if I plan a discussion group and no one shows up, what's the point of planning to begin with? To try and make order out of a chaotic world? But it didn't make order. It just made me upset.

Still, a lot of times when I go into school, I like to have a plan. Just to use as a starting point. For example: "I will talk to five different people today" or "I will perform my monologue in drama class today" or something like that. Even though half the time I don't do these things. It's a goal. Something to at least try.

Last year I sometimes had days where I would just look around and see how great everyone was, and write down some fun quotes from people in my little notebook that I always carry around. I called these days EODs - Epic Observation Days. Because I like abbreviations. On these days, I wouldn't even try to do any big things. I would just look around and be happy.

On one of these EODs we had to choose groups. One thing about me: I don't like choosing groups. Because you have to figure out who you want to be with, and then ask them, and then hope they say yes. But on this day, things worked out okay because I was looking around, and I talked to someone who was nice to me, and I ended up in her group. I was glad because I had actually gotten myself into a group for once. The funny thing was, I didn't even really plan what I would do! My only plan for the day was to do some Epic Observation.

That's the funny thing about plans. Sometimes they succeed. Sometimes they fail. And sometimes, when planning one thing, you will succeed in something completely different. So I don't think that plans are always worthless. They can be plan-tastic! (see title of this post).

But on Tuesday, I'm going to go into school absolutely planless. And just see where life takes me.

SIT: Paradise

What time is it? Song Interpretation Time! aka SIT! Today's song: Paradise by Coldplay

When she was just a girl

She expected the world

But it flew away from her reach

So she ran away in her sleep

Dreamed of para- para- paradise

Para- para- paradise

Para- para- paradise

Every time she closed her eyes

Whoa-oh-oh oh-oooh oh-oh-oh

When she was just a girl

She expected the world

But it flew away from her reach

And the bullets catch in her teeth

Life goes on

It gets so heavy

The wheel breaks the butterfly

Every tear, a waterfall

In the night, the stormy night

She closed her eyes

In the night, the stormy night

Away she'd fly.

And dreamed of para- para- paradise

Para- para- paradise

Para- para- paradise

Whoa-oh-oh oh-oooh oh-oh-oh

She dreamed of para- para- paradise

Para- para- paradise

Para- para- paradise

Whoa-oh-oh oh-oooh oh-oh-oh.

So lying underneath those stormy skies.

She said oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh.

I know the sun must set to rise.

This could be para- para- paradise

Para- para- paradise

This could be para- para- paradise

Whoa-oh-oh oh-oooh oh-oh-oh.

Okay, so I really like this song. To me it's about growing up and realizing that the real world can sometimes be just as good as fantasy.

Running away in sleep, sounds to me like dreaming, or just imagining a perfect world. I think most kids use their imagination a lot when they're young, especially if they're going through a hard time in their life. I know I used to like to read a book or make up a story in my mind to escape from my problems. Sometimes I still do. Except now I write those stories on paper. The next part of the song seems to be about how the girl in the song was crushed down by the world and almost lost hope.

But then there's this part: "I know the sun must set to rise. This could be para- para- paradise." And that part of the song is like a realization: "hey, wait a minute. I'm imagining so many things, but the real world can be great too. I may be going through a hard time, but there's so much out there that really exists, and can really be explored."

Some people think then when you grow up, you realized how terrible the world really is. But this song is about realizing that even for all of the negative parts of the world, life still is amazing. This song makes me think of last school year, the first time I really stopped just imagining what could happen, and focused on what is happening, and how everything just fell into place.

And I'm not quite at that point this year, But I know that I will be. Soon, the sun will rise.

Here's the video, which I like, even though it doesn't have much to do with the song:

I Don't Know What to Write About!

I want to write a blog post, but I'm not sure what to write about.

When I was younger and I didn't know what to write for a writing assignment, I would always write about not knowing what to write about. So that's what I'm going to do now.

Not having ideas for writing is a weird problem because my head is always full of all sorts of random thoughts. So you'd think I could just pull one out and start writing. But sometimes none of the things I'm thinking about seem writeable.

And sometimes I have songs stuck in my head so writing what I'm thinking would just come out like this:

En la distancia, te puedo ver
cuando tus fotos me siento a ver.

Yes, that's right. I have a Spanish song stuck in my head. We had to sing it in Spanish class. It's called Fotografía. Check it out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flr8vDQ9Wuc

Anyway, I still don't know what to write about. I had a pretty good day today. I had a pretty bad day yesterday. That's my life. One second it's terrible, the next second it's amazing. Nothing is certain and all that. And people are always annoying, but when I have a good day, they give me enough reason to put up with their annoyingness. And when I have a bad day, I get so annoyed by them that I become annoying myself. Wow. I used the word annoy way too much there.

So hey! Look! This is actually kind of a long blog post coming from having no ideas. And this is why I write about not knowing what to write about.

Power to the People!

If you're wondering why I haven't posted on my blog for a while it's because...

I DIDN'T HAVE POWER FOR A WEEK!

No heat, no lights, no internet. At least there was water.

But now the power is back so life will return to normal!

And I will go back to school! Yay! I'm so excited to be back there after a powerless week of nothing!!!

Life is now great again.