Well, that was a hiatus.

I'm not dead! :)

Just putting that out there.

But yeah, this has been a long bloggery hiatus. I thought the blog was done for, and though it would have been funny to end my blog with a post called "Finals", I thought, nah. I'm just going to surprise everyone (all those nonexistent people who read my blog) and post here again. Maybe even keep posting.

But I don't know, that's such a commitment.

Also considering all the insane work I have to do, I shouldn't even be doing this now. I really really should be doing homework.

But I just had to not do homework for a second.

So here I am.

And maybe I'll come around here again soon.

Finals

A final is like everything bad about the end of the year all combined into one annoying test.

And my final week starts tomorrow. Joy.

I guess I'll make it through. Whenever I have to do something annoying I always think "it'll be over soon. And then I won't have to deal with it any more.

But there's something about finals that sure is... well, final. :)

I Guess One Post Just Wasn't Enough.

Okay, so today is one of those rare double post days.

That was a cool poem, but I still don't know exactly how I feel about life.

One day things will seem one way, and the next day it'll all be completely different. I guess that's the way I am normally, never really being able to decide how I feel. But when a big change is occurring, I get even more fickle. I'll have a really crappy day, followed by a really good one.

And it's hard, because things are always changing, and I never really know what tomorrow will bring.

But since I'm on a positive mood now, I'm going to say tomorrow will bring good things.

Probably.

Endings

Since it's almost the end of my school year, and I'm not quite sure how to feel about that, here's a poem about endings:

So much has happened
So much has changed
This ride has been amazing
Exhilarating
But now it's slowing down

And in these final seconds
I'm just not sure of anything
I wish it would just end
But I also wish
It could last forever

And I don't know
What that means
But anyway
It's all ending
And there's nothing I can do
To stop it.

Storytelling!

I'm doing something out my school called MOTH.

And no, it's not a science program where I study bugs, though that would be cool.

It's a storytelling program. And don't ask me why it's called MOTH, because I still don't know.

It's really cool, but I always get kind of nervous before the actual performance, when we have to go up on the stage and tell a story in front of a bunch of people. It's hard.

But it is definitely worth it. I also get to help the other MOTH participants prepare their stories, and it's really cool to hear how different they all are. Some funny, some sad, some optimistic. It's like where trying to cover all of the emotions that exist in one night.

And of course we aren't covering ALL OF THEM, but still, there's a lot of depth. And depth is something I really like. As I may have mentioned before on this blog, I think everyone has some depth in them. And MOTH is one of the places where all that depth comes out.

Out of It

Today, I was out of it.

Out of it is a really weird expression that I like to use. Because it's not clear what it actually means. Out of it? Out of what exactly? Out of life? I guess, in a way.

I usually use "out of it" to describe days when I feel like I'm not in reality, that I'm just in a dream, and I'm kind of stumbling through it. It sometimes just happens, when I feel really tired or bored, or both.

There are just some days like that when life seems like nothing.

But after those times, there's often some kind of change. And life feels like something again.

Pressure

Right now in science class I'm learning about pressure. Specifically, air pressure.

But there are so many different types of pressure. Air pressure, time pressure, peer pressure, blood pressure.

The word is full of PRESSURE.

People are always saying "I can't work well under pressure," but that's kind of general. Do you not work well under a time limit? Or when the stakes are high? Or when someone is literally pushing down on your head?

Okay, so probably not the last one. But still, everyone probably has some kind of pressure that they can't work well under. I know that sometimes I can't work very well under the type of pressure that involves other people. I almost always make some mistake when I play a piano piece in front of people, even if I can play it perfectly alone.

It's that pressure.

There will always be pressure, but I think people can get used to it. Think about this: air pressure has been pushing on us since we were born. But we don't feel it, because we're used to it. Maybe other pressure is like that too. It will always exist, but it won't always be felt.

SIT: Some Nights

Yay! SIT: Song Interpretation Time!

Today's song is Some Nights by Fun. which is a great song. (And that period is part of the band's name, not a mistake).

Here are the lyrics:

Some nights I stay up cashing in my bad luck

Some nights I call it a draw

Some nights I wish that my lips could build a castle

Some nights I wish they'd just fall off

But I still wake up, I still see your ghost

Oh, Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for

What do I stand for? What do I stand for?

Most nights I don't know anymore...

This is it, boys, this is war - what are we waiting for?

Why don't we break the rules already?

I was never one to believe the hype

Save that for the black and white

I try twice as hard and I'm half as liked,

But here they come again to jack my style

That's alright;

I found a martyr in my bed tonight

She stops my bones from wondering just who I am, who I am, who I am

Oh, who am I? Mmm... Mmm...

Well, some nights I wish that this all would end

'Cause I could use some friends for a change.

And some nights I'm scared you'll forget me again

Some nights I always win, I always win...

But I still wake up, I still see your ghost

Oh, Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for

What do I stand for? What do I stand for?

Most nights I don't know... (oh, come on)

So this is it. I sold my soul for this?

Washed my hands of that for this?

I miss my mom and dad for this?

(Come on)

No. When I see stars, when I see, when I see stars, that's all they are

When I hear songs, they sound like this one, so come on.

Oh, come on. Oh, come on. Oh, come on!

Well, that is it guys, that is all - five minutes in and I'm bored again

Ten years of this, I'm not sure if anybody understands

This one is not for the folks at home;

Sorry to leave, mom, I had to go

Who the f*** wants to die alone all dried up in the desert sun?

My heart is breaking for my sister and the con that she call "love"

When I look into my nephew's eyes...

Man, you wouldn't believe the most amazing things that can come from...

Some terrible lies... 

The other night you wouldn't believe the dream I just had about you and me

I called you up but we'd both agree

It's for the best you didn't listen

It's for the best we get our distance... Oh...

It's for the best you didn't listen

It's for the best we get our distance... Oh...

I've heard that this song is about war, which definitely makes sense, but I think there's a lot more to it than just that.

When I first heard this song the line that stuck out to me was "what do I stand for?" That's a question I have asked myself before and probably a lot of other people have too. To me this song is about being confused, not knowing exactly what you stand for and what the purpose of life is. Even the song itself is confused. There are so many different parts to it, that sound different, and talk about different things.

This is about wondering if what you're doing is right. In the case of the song I guess it's the question of whether going to war is right. But it applies to other things too. This song always makes me think of the choices I make in general. What's my focus in life? Is it right? It's kind of good to hear this song when I'm feeling especially confused, or feeling like I have no clue what I'm doing. I don't know exactly. I just think this song is pretty cool.

And that's it. Here's the song on YouTube for your listening pleasure:

Essays

In the past few weeks, I have had to write an essay for my English class. It seemed like a really annoying essay that would take me a very long time.

But here's the thing... I finished before anyone else in my class.

Just like I had done for the mini essay before that, and the one before that...

So I was wondering: How am I doing this?

At first I had a hard time writing essays for this class because I just didn't like to do it. And I still don't like writing these essays. But I know I have to do them. So my goal is to get the highest level of thinking possible, in the quickest time possible.

And I am getting quicker at this stuff. Which is cool.

So next time you have to do something not fun over and over and over again, just think, "At least I'm getting quicker at this!"

And overall, English class has gotten better. I got used to it more, and my teacher is giving us more freedom. I'm glad.

e

Today in math class I learned about the number e. It's weird, but I like it.

It's like pi (π) and I like pi(e).

They're both irrational numbers. Another great thing about e is you can type a bunch of e's in the TI-83 and make it say eeeeeeeeeeeee.

It's fun. Woooo! Math!

Happy New Year and Everything Else

It's been too long since I last posted!!!

So what has happened? This:

It became 2013! (yay, we survived 2012!)
I wrote a screenplay with 5 other people.
I wrote a play by myself.
I wrote other things
I didn't write on this blog (obviously).
I had midterms (ughhhh!)
January 25th was amazing.

So happy new year!

I will post more.

I hope.