Enough of That!

Sometimes I feel like I just need to stop doing the same things over and over again. In some situations, I can't control this, and I have to keep following the routine. Like in English class I have write the same type of essays over and over again or else I'll get a bad grade.

But when I can control it, I will.

Today, I was annoyed during math class at life in general, because only one person in the room seemed to remember my existence. So when I got out of math class and it was lunch time, I decided I wasn't going to go to lunch with the people I normally go with (wow, lots of go's in that sentence).

So at first I just wandered the hallways alone and thought about life, which wasn't a bad use of my time. Then I made a terrible video about How Not to Spend Your Lunch Time, which kind of ended up turning into a tour of the school, especially the rooms of classes I miss from last year.

But then I saw some students I know walk into my science room from last year so I figured I would too. And it was nice, sitting in that room with people around me, listening to the new Taylor Swift songs someone was playing. Just eating my food, and thinking to myself, "hey, I found a place to go for lunch!"

So, I was happy that just for today, I stepped out of my routine. It's something that I really have to remember to do sometimes. Because a lot of the time, it makes me feel a lot better.

And It's a Poem

Okay so...

Life was amazing
And it still is
But now I don't know how

And things are crazy
And everything's wrong
And I don't know how to factor the equation

And stuff happens
Things go wrong
And I don't know what to say next

Well, things will get better
They had better get better
But now, I don't know how!

Okay then.

Fluctuation

fluc·tu·ate

v. fluc·tu·at·ed, fluc·tu·at·ing, fluc·tu·ates v.intr. 1. To vary irregularly. 2. To rise and fall in or as if in waves; undulate.

from The Free Dictionary


Fluctuate. That's a fun word, isn't it? Fluc rhymes with luck, tu means you is Spanish, and ate is the past tense of eat. You're lucky you ate!!!

I think that, because it's the beginning of the school year and that sort of thing, the groups of friends and people who hang out together are constantly fluctuating. And I don't mean their going on roller coasters, rising and falling.

I'm talking about definition number one.

The groups seem to change every other second. One day, a group will be perfectly intact, and everyone will be getting along wonderfully, and the next day that same group will be falling apart. One day someone will be siting at one table, the next day they'll be at a different table, and the next day they'll be at a third table!

Sometimes I just don't get it. Other than those rare groups of two that aways stick together, no groups seem to be really good friends with each other. They just kind of hang around together, always staying in big clusters, so if you look at a group of people from my grade, there's areas full of people, and big empty spaces, and the occasional floater, floating between groups.

Today I learned about electricity and how electrons move from atom to atom when there's an electrical charge. I guess the social system is kind of like a bunch of atoms. Each group is an atom, the people in the group are protons and neutrons, and the floaters are electrons. The electrons are far away from the protons and neutrons, separated from them. At the beginning of this year, I felt like one of the floating electrons, constantly moving. But then I started to settle on a group. Still though, I feel like an electron with no electrical charge that makes me move. Like I'm not really part of the group, still, just orbiting around it.

And if these groups were atoms, they would be the unstable kind. The kind that fluctuate constantly. Maybe that's one of the reasons why I haven't really become part of a group yet. I'm too afraid of the unexpected fluctuations. Or maybe I'm afraid if there not being those fluctuations, afraid that everything will be certain and boring and always stay the same. I'm not quite sure.

That Symbolic Moment...

Person: Are you okay?
Me: Yes.

Chair falls off table.

Me: And then a chair falls.

:)