'Tis the Season

Winter is such a nice time. Last night was the first night of Hanukkah! And only 16 days until Christmas! And on the 21st, the world ends! I'm so excited! :)

And it's also the time to put on your creepy Christmas music! Remember this? http://www.blablablayapyapyap.blogspot.com/2011/12/baby-its-creepy-outside.html

And here's a great radio show about some more creepy Christmas music:

http://soundcheck.wnyc.org/2012/dec/04/we-wish-you-creepy-christmas/

I really like the holiday season. Pine trees out on the streets, snow falling (if the global climate change isn't too bad), hot chocolate and decorations everywhere. And you can see your breath in a little white cloud, which I think is really cool.

And I am ready for good things to happen. And if something bad happens, who cares, because it's such an amazing time that negativity really doesn't matter. I'll just move on. And I don't have to wait for something great to happen. I can make it happen myself. I'm excited!

Blogaversary!

This past year has just been amazing. From the very first day of this blog to now, so much has happened. And so much more still will happen. I'm looking forward to it.

But today, I can gladly say this blog has been around for a year.

A year ago today, I started doing something that I didn't particularly want to do. I thought it was kind of a waste of time because no one would read it anyway. And now, this thing, my blog has been around for a year. One of the best years ever.

Yeah, there were some ups and downs, but overall, it's been fun. Life has been like a scatter plot, a graph with lots of points all over the place. Some dots low, some dots high. But if you look at it overall, you can see there's a positive correlation - the dots are steadily rising, and life is slowly getting better.

I am still sad that last school year had to end, but I hope life will still keep getting better. It seems like it will.

So here's to a great year! Happy New Blog Year! It will be better than ever!

A Million Dollars

Sometimes people in game shows seem really stupid. They manage to get half a million dollars, yet they risk it all to get a million.

Yet I feel like I am beginning to understand this. Right now, my English class is, ehh, okay. Not great. Definitely not as good as last year. At first I really didn't like it, but I am finding some ways to make myself enjoy it. And it's working pretty well.

But today I was trying to improve English for my whole class. And... it didn't work. Me and two other students were teaching in front of the class and I was trying to make it interesting, but I couldn't figure out how to. And no one else seemed to think it was possible for English class to become fun.

So I keep thinking, maybe I should just quit. Stop even trying. Take the money and run. And I have this irrational fear that if I try to make the class better, it will just end up getting worse somehow. Yet I still want to make the class better. I still want that million dollars.

That's the issue: what do I do next? Stay with what I have, or try, even though I don't have any cooperation, to make things better. I'm not sure. And it always comes back to the fact that it was so much better last year. But this is not last year. Not everything has changed, but enough has that I can't think about how great it was then, because that will get me nowhere now.

It's time to start over. But what's the first step? I don't know. 

Coincidences

On Wednesday, we chose new books in English class. I ended up rereading Slaughterhouse-Five (SH5) by Kurt Vonnegut, which I read last year, but I was okay with that.

However, when I went onto Goodreads, I came across a dilemma: how do I say I am currently-reading a book that's already in my read list? Turns out it was pretty easy. But when I looked at SH5 on Goodreads it said: "read from November 28 to December 5, 2011."

The funny thing is, this Wednesday, when I started reading the book for the second time, was November 28th. The same day I entered it on Goodreads last year.

But wait, there's more!

Thinking about having read the book last year, I was looking through my old blog posts from around that time. And my first blog post was written on December 5, 2011.

Coincidences are really fun. Some people would think this is a sign or something, that I'm going to start a new blog on the fifth, or finish SH5 on the fifth again. I think it's just a cool, random thing that happened.

I think coincidences are kind of like the world's way of writing things in bold.

Just because something is written in bold doesn't necessarily mean it's important. But if you read a paper, and there's something in bold, you're going to wonder why, and you're going to think about it, probably more than you think about the other parts of the paper.

That's what happened here. The weird Goodreads coincidence made me think about last year, and starting this blog, and reading SH5 for the first time and all the nice moments that happened around that time. And how different this year is from last year. Yet  some things are the same, and it just shows that no matter how different two things or time periods are there's always going to be some kind of connection between them.

And that's kind of comforting, because it's a way to handle change. I can think, "yeah, it's a year later, but really not much has changed. I'm still posting on this blog I started, and now I'm reading SH5 again and I'm still thinking deeply about it. And now I can do all of the things I wanted to do last year, but never got a chance to do. Because I still have time this year, even though last year is gone. Because not everything has changed."

And it's so true: not everything has changed.

Thinking About Thinking

Sometimes when I'm in bed, trying to get to sleep, I think about thinking.

And now I'm thinking about thinking about thinking!!! That's confusing.

The interesting thing about thinking is we never stop doing it. Even when we're asleep we think, our thoughts just become dreams that often make no sense.

But some people don't like to think. Which is funny, because it's like not liking to breathe. It's something you're going to do whether you like it or not.

What I mean is, some people don't like to think deeply. Those people don't like to think about "what is the point of life? why are we here? is there such thing as true happiness?" and things like that. I guess some people think it's heavy or depressing, but I think it's just a part of life.

By the way, I think the point of life is to help and inspire other people, we are here because the universe just happened to form that way, and there is such thing as true happiness. And sometimes I really like thinking about these things. Just being calm, and wondering. And eventually drifting off to sleep.

There's a place in my school where I sometimes sit at lunch, between my old reading advisory, and my old humanities room, leaning against the door. And from there I can hear the chorus rehearsal. And it's nice to listen to it, think about life. Enjoy myself, even though I'm lonely, because I'm spending lunch alone. Not like that happens a lot any more. But still... sometimes it's nice. Just living. Just thinking.

Because no matter what happens, no matter who comes into your life or who leaves it, you'll always have yourself.

A Short Post

I haven't written a really short post for a while, so that's what I'll do now. I had science club today. I made lights light up using this little computer thing called an Arduino. It's so amazing to be able to press a button and a light comes on, and then press another button, and the light goes off. It's great.

Science is comforting to me. If I have a bad day, and then I have science club, it's not such a bad day anymore. Because I lit up a light. Seems symbolic. But I'm thinking back to those days when I had no power, no lights, and that was kind of nice too, in a way. It was peaceful, and I did some fun things. And though it wasn't great being in the cold darkness, it wasn't all bad.

There's always something good, I guess. Sometimes it's just hidden really well. 

Plan-tastic!

I like having plans. It makes me feel like everything is clear. If I do this and then do this, then this will happen.

But really, plans seem to mean nothing. There are so many variables in the world that you can never be sure of the outcome of anything. So what's the point of planning? For example (and if you've been reading this blog you knew I was going to say this) if I plan a discussion group and no one shows up, what's the point of planning to begin with? To try and make order out of a chaotic world? But it didn't make order. It just made me upset.

Still, a lot of times when I go into school, I like to have a plan. Just to use as a starting point. For example: "I will talk to five different people today" or "I will perform my monologue in drama class today" or something like that. Even though half the time I don't do these things. It's a goal. Something to at least try.

Last year I sometimes had days where I would just look around and see how great everyone was, and write down some fun quotes from people in my little notebook that I always carry around. I called these days EODs - Epic Observation Days. Because I like abbreviations. On these days, I wouldn't even try to do any big things. I would just look around and be happy.

On one of these EODs we had to choose groups. One thing about me: I don't like choosing groups. Because you have to figure out who you want to be with, and then ask them, and then hope they say yes. But on this day, things worked out okay because I was looking around, and I talked to someone who was nice to me, and I ended up in her group. I was glad because I had actually gotten myself into a group for once. The funny thing was, I didn't even really plan what I would do! My only plan for the day was to do some Epic Observation.

That's the funny thing about plans. Sometimes they succeed. Sometimes they fail. And sometimes, when planning one thing, you will succeed in something completely different. So I don't think that plans are always worthless. They can be plan-tastic! (see title of this post).

But on Tuesday, I'm going to go into school absolutely planless. And just see where life takes me.

SIT: Paradise

What time is it? Song Interpretation Time! aka SIT! Today's song: Paradise by Coldplay

When she was just a girl

She expected the world

But it flew away from her reach

So she ran away in her sleep

Dreamed of para- para- paradise

Para- para- paradise

Para- para- paradise

Every time she closed her eyes

Whoa-oh-oh oh-oooh oh-oh-oh

When she was just a girl

She expected the world

But it flew away from her reach

And the bullets catch in her teeth

Life goes on

It gets so heavy

The wheel breaks the butterfly

Every tear, a waterfall

In the night, the stormy night

She closed her eyes

In the night, the stormy night

Away she'd fly.

And dreamed of para- para- paradise

Para- para- paradise

Para- para- paradise

Whoa-oh-oh oh-oooh oh-oh-oh

She dreamed of para- para- paradise

Para- para- paradise

Para- para- paradise

Whoa-oh-oh oh-oooh oh-oh-oh.

So lying underneath those stormy skies.

She said oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh.

I know the sun must set to rise.

This could be para- para- paradise

Para- para- paradise

This could be para- para- paradise

Whoa-oh-oh oh-oooh oh-oh-oh.

Okay, so I really like this song. To me it's about growing up and realizing that the real world can sometimes be just as good as fantasy.

Running away in sleep, sounds to me like dreaming, or just imagining a perfect world. I think most kids use their imagination a lot when they're young, especially if they're going through a hard time in their life. I know I used to like to read a book or make up a story in my mind to escape from my problems. Sometimes I still do. Except now I write those stories on paper. The next part of the song seems to be about how the girl in the song was crushed down by the world and almost lost hope.

But then there's this part: "I know the sun must set to rise. This could be para- para- paradise." And that part of the song is like a realization: "hey, wait a minute. I'm imagining so many things, but the real world can be great too. I may be going through a hard time, but there's so much out there that really exists, and can really be explored."

Some people think then when you grow up, you realized how terrible the world really is. But this song is about realizing that even for all of the negative parts of the world, life still is amazing. This song makes me think of last school year, the first time I really stopped just imagining what could happen, and focused on what is happening, and how everything just fell into place.

And I'm not quite at that point this year, But I know that I will be. Soon, the sun will rise.

Here's the video, which I like, even though it doesn't have much to do with the song:

I Don't Know What to Write About!

I want to write a blog post, but I'm not sure what to write about.

When I was younger and I didn't know what to write for a writing assignment, I would always write about not knowing what to write about. So that's what I'm going to do now.

Not having ideas for writing is a weird problem because my head is always full of all sorts of random thoughts. So you'd think I could just pull one out and start writing. But sometimes none of the things I'm thinking about seem writeable.

And sometimes I have songs stuck in my head so writing what I'm thinking would just come out like this:

En la distancia, te puedo ver
cuando tus fotos me siento a ver.

Yes, that's right. I have a Spanish song stuck in my head. We had to sing it in Spanish class. It's called Fotografía. Check it out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flr8vDQ9Wuc

Anyway, I still don't know what to write about. I had a pretty good day today. I had a pretty bad day yesterday. That's my life. One second it's terrible, the next second it's amazing. Nothing is certain and all that. And people are always annoying, but when I have a good day, they give me enough reason to put up with their annoyingness. And when I have a bad day, I get so annoyed by them that I become annoying myself. Wow. I used the word annoy way too much there.

So hey! Look! This is actually kind of a long blog post coming from having no ideas. And this is why I write about not knowing what to write about.

Power to the People!

If you're wondering why I haven't posted on my blog for a while it's because...

I DIDN'T HAVE POWER FOR A WEEK!

No heat, no lights, no internet. At least there was water.

But now the power is back so life will return to normal!

And I will go back to school! Yay! I'm so excited to be back there after a powerless week of nothing!!!

Life is now great again.

Enough of That!

Sometimes I feel like I just need to stop doing the same things over and over again. In some situations, I can't control this, and I have to keep following the routine. Like in English class I have write the same type of essays over and over again or else I'll get a bad grade.

But when I can control it, I will.

Today, I was annoyed during math class at life in general, because only one person in the room seemed to remember my existence. So when I got out of math class and it was lunch time, I decided I wasn't going to go to lunch with the people I normally go with (wow, lots of go's in that sentence).

So at first I just wandered the hallways alone and thought about life, which wasn't a bad use of my time. Then I made a terrible video about How Not to Spend Your Lunch Time, which kind of ended up turning into a tour of the school, especially the rooms of classes I miss from last year.

But then I saw some students I know walk into my science room from last year so I figured I would too. And it was nice, sitting in that room with people around me, listening to the new Taylor Swift songs someone was playing. Just eating my food, and thinking to myself, "hey, I found a place to go for lunch!"

So, I was happy that just for today, I stepped out of my routine. It's something that I really have to remember to do sometimes. Because a lot of the time, it makes me feel a lot better.

And It's a Poem

Okay so...

Life was amazing
And it still is
But now I don't know how

And things are crazy
And everything's wrong
And I don't know how to factor the equation

And stuff happens
Things go wrong
And I don't know what to say next

Well, things will get better
They had better get better
But now, I don't know how!

Okay then.

Fluctuation

fluc·tu·ate

v. fluc·tu·at·ed, fluc·tu·at·ing, fluc·tu·ates v.intr. 1. To vary irregularly. 2. To rise and fall in or as if in waves; undulate.

from The Free Dictionary


Fluctuate. That's a fun word, isn't it? Fluc rhymes with luck, tu means you is Spanish, and ate is the past tense of eat. You're lucky you ate!!!

I think that, because it's the beginning of the school year and that sort of thing, the groups of friends and people who hang out together are constantly fluctuating. And I don't mean their going on roller coasters, rising and falling.

I'm talking about definition number one.

The groups seem to change every other second. One day, a group will be perfectly intact, and everyone will be getting along wonderfully, and the next day that same group will be falling apart. One day someone will be siting at one table, the next day they'll be at a different table, and the next day they'll be at a third table!

Sometimes I just don't get it. Other than those rare groups of two that aways stick together, no groups seem to be really good friends with each other. They just kind of hang around together, always staying in big clusters, so if you look at a group of people from my grade, there's areas full of people, and big empty spaces, and the occasional floater, floating between groups.

Today I learned about electricity and how electrons move from atom to atom when there's an electrical charge. I guess the social system is kind of like a bunch of atoms. Each group is an atom, the people in the group are protons and neutrons, and the floaters are electrons. The electrons are far away from the protons and neutrons, separated from them. At the beginning of this year, I felt like one of the floating electrons, constantly moving. But then I started to settle on a group. Still though, I feel like an electron with no electrical charge that makes me move. Like I'm not really part of the group, still, just orbiting around it.

And if these groups were atoms, they would be the unstable kind. The kind that fluctuate constantly. Maybe that's one of the reasons why I haven't really become part of a group yet. I'm too afraid of the unexpected fluctuations. Or maybe I'm afraid if there not being those fluctuations, afraid that everything will be certain and boring and always stay the same. I'm not quite sure.

That Symbolic Moment...

Person: Are you okay?
Me: Yes.

Chair falls off table.

Me: And then a chair falls.

:)

Opera!

Soooo...  I'm going to an opera tomorrow. It's called Carmen. It's pretty famous.

And it's three and a half hours long.

It seems like it might be cool, but wow. That is a long time.

It really better be good.

It's a school trip. For English, of course. Because they sing in... other languages.

No, it's because thinking about opera is like thinking about books, and you can find connotations and think deeply and all that stuff. I just hope we don't have to write an essay about it after we watch it.

If all else fails, at least the music is nice.

Transitions

Sometimes, change is hard.

And no, I don't mean if you need to buy something for fifty cents and all you have is a dollar bill. Not that type of change.

I mean like when you have one of the best years of your life and then suddenly it's all gone, and something new is replacing it.

That's what just happened.

And after feeling really upset for the last few days, I realize that this is just the start. And sometimes the start is the worst part (hey, that rhymes).

When I started this blog, I did not think I would enjoy posting on it as much as I do. I was not excited about it at all. But look what I'm doing now.

I think that things will get better from here. Part of me still wants to be back in my humanities classroom from last year. But that room has been rearranged. It no longer is the room that it was. Things will never return to the way they were.

But now, in this new year of school, there will be a new way things are. And in a year from now, that will be the way that I miss so much.

Transitions. The hardest part.

SIT: Unwritten

Guess what time it is. That's right! Song interpretation time! Today's song: Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield:

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined

I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you

Open up the dirty window

Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance

So close you can almost taste it

Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you

Only you can let it in

No one else, no one else

Can speak the words on your lips

Drench yourself in words unspoken

Live your life with arms wide open

Today is where your book begins

The rest is still unwritten

Oh, oh, oh

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines

We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

Staring at the blank page before you

Open up the dirty window

Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance

So close you can almost taste it

Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you

Only you can let it in

No one else, no one else

Can speak the words on your lips

Drench yourself in words unspoken

Live your life with arms wide open

Today is where your book begins

The rest is still unwritten

And after that it just repeats.

So why do I even like this song? Honestly, it is mostly repetition. But to me this song is pretty inspirational.

I like the metaphor of comparing life to a book. I sometimes think about how my life is similar to a book and wonder what the chapters would be called. I think it's a cool idea, that the choices you make are essentially "writing your book".

Also, rain. I love the way rain is used in this song. Too many people use rain to symbolize sadness. In this song, it seems to symbolize happiness, and the small pleasures in life that we should pay more attention to. Like it says in the song "no one else can feel it for you, only you can let it in". I think more people should let the rain in.

Also, undefined is a great word because it always reminds me of math, which I happen to like. It's a term that means, in math and otherwise, "we just can't figure this out".

And this song is pretty much saying, do what you want, you don't have to be predictable, you can just be happy, and write your own story.

And I like that.

Here's the song:

Back to School

Well, this is a bit late.

Oh well, I am at school now!

It's fun.

I got to work with hydrochloric acid on the second day of school.

Yay!

And now a list:

since this year is the first time I have study hall...

What To Do During Study Hall:

• Read
• Do homework
• Write random things
• Write on post-its, then stick them on the wall
• Ponder the day's events.
• Play with a TI-83
• Make plans
• Just chill...

There we go! More school posts to come!

I Am On A Train

And this train is awesome because it has WiFi!!! So I can post on my blog.

Just thought I'd mention the fact that I am in a moving vehicle and when I look out the window I can see beautiful trees and bridges and ponds full of something green that I hope is algae.

I've never been on a three hour train ride before, but so far, it's pretty cool. Even though I've only just begun.

But I have my computer and a WiFi connection. So I don't think there's going to be any problem at all.

September!

I'm really excited because it's almost September!!!

And if you've read my blog in the past you'll know I'm one of those weird people who actually enjoys school! :)

So I am looking forward to it. A lot.

Things I want this year:

• To talk to people
• To not have an unsuccessful discussion group (I just can't get over that, can I?)
• To make a friend or friends.
• To eat pie
• To do nice things for people
• To read many good books
• To keep posting on my blog :)

So yeahhh...

Probably half these things won't happen.

But... nothing is certain!

YAY!

Stuff That's Happened

Hello! It's been a while, so here's some cool stuff that's happened to me:

• I watched the Olympics closing ceremony. (It was amazing.)
• I got an iPad for my birthday! (iPads are cool)
• I decided to go to on a trip with my mom (which I am looking forward to)
• I prepared myself for school (which I am also looking forward to)
• And I did not post on my blog (unfortunately)

So... yeah!

SIT: My Interpretation

You know how I mentioned a new feature a few posts ago? Well, here it is. It's called SIT. "SIT?" you may ask, "What does that mean?" Why don't you sit down and I'll explain it.


SIT stands for Song Interpretation Time! Basically, I will be posting song lyrics, and what I think they mean. This is just my opinion, you may think something completely different. So what better way to start off than with the song My Interpretation by Mika:

You talk about life, you talk about death,

And everything in between,

Like it's nothing, and the words are easy.

You talk about me, and you talk about you,

And everything I do,

Like it's something that needs repeating.

I don't need an alibi, or for you to realize,

The things we left unsaid,

Are only taking space up in our heads.

Make it my fault, win the game

Point the finger, place the blame

That throws me up and down,

It doesn't matter now.

[Chorus]

'Cause I don't care if I ever talk to you again.

This is not about emotion,

I don't need a reason not to care what you say,

Or what happened in the end.

This is my interpretation,

And it don't, don't make sense.

The first two weeks turn into ten,

I hold my breath and wonder when it'll happen,

Does it really matter?

If half of what you said is true,

And half of what I didn't do could be different,

Would it make it better?

If we forget the things we know.

Would we have somewhere to go?

The only way is down, I can see that now.

[Chorus]

'Cause I don't care if I ever talk to you again.

This is not about emotion,

I don't need a reason not to care what you say,

Or what happened in the end.

This is my interpretation,

And it don't, don't make sense.

[Bridge]

It's really not such a sacrifice

[Chorus]

'Cause I don't care if I ever talk to you again.

This is not about emotion,

I don't need a reason not to care what you say,

Or what happened in the end.

This is my interpretation,

And it don't, don't make sense.

And it don't have to make no sense to you at all,

'Cause this is my interpretation, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think this song is about two people who have a serious problem with each other. But it's not any kind of clear problem like "he stole my sandwich" or "she wrecked my car". It's more abstract, an issue neither of them can really talk about. The person singing the song wants to talk about it, because he says: "the things we left unsaid are only taking space up in our heads." This problem seems to have made the singer want to leave whatever relationship he has with the other person. Through the song, he decides that nothing could make the problem better.

So what is this problem? I think it could be a number of things. But the one thing it reminds me of from my own life is when I want to be friends with someone, but they seem to be trying to avoid me. I wonder when they will ever notice me. And then I try and convince myself that they don't matter. Kind of like in the bridge, saying to myself, "it's not such a sacrifice to stop dealing with this person." 

This song reminds me so much of things that have happened to me. Asking questions to myself if there was any way it could have been better? Thinking about what other people say, how it seems to come so easy to them to talk about life and death and big issues. And then, questioning my own interpretation, wondering, does this make any sense at all???

Well, that was a lot of text. This could quite possibly be the longest post ever on this blog. Wow. So that was my interpretation of My Interpretation. Maybe it doesn't make any sense. But that's up to you to decide.

Oh, and you can hear the song here.

Making History

The Olympics are awesome.

I'm not even a big sports fan, but I always really enjoy watching the Olympics. I just think it's really cool how a bunch a people from all over the world come together to compete, get medals, and break records.

It seems like every day of the Olympics, someone makes history.

Like one day, I turned on the T.V. and saw two U.S. divers win their first medals. Then later I saw two U.S. volleyball players lose their first set ever to two Austrian sisters.

Something amazing is always happening.

Even the people who don't win medals, who don't even make it to the finals. THEY ARE IN THE OLYMPICS!!! Just that fact makes them great athletes who have the support of their entire country. Not too shabby.

But no matter what, whether you win gold or not, if you're in the Olympics, you a part of a wonderful event that unites the world. You get to march in two epic ceremonies, the opening and closing, and you get to play the sport you love.

That's the Olympics.

The First Page

I have a tiny little notebook that I'm going to carry around and write ideas in when school starts.

I had one of these before, and on the first page, there was a list of ideas of what to write in the notebook.

That was cool.

So now that I have another notebook, I was wondering, what is going to be on this new first page.

And now, I finally have an idea... (drumroll)

Topics to talk to people about!!!

Sometimes I don't know what to say, so why not have a list of topics, so I can start conversations easier, and maybe fill in awkward silences.

I got the idea from this site:
http://changingminds.org/techniques/conversation/conversation.htm

Soon, my notebook will begin!

And next June, it will end. Another year, another notebook.

Something to Do

Today, I have a recommendation of something you should do at some point in your life:

Sit around a campfire with a bunch of other people and tell scary stories.

Or un-scary stories. Or don't tell stories at all. Just sit around a campfire and talk.

This is an experience I would have never had, had it not been for an amazing class trip. During that trip, I got to sit around two campfires, and talk. It was wonderful.

It just made me feel like I wasn't alone, like I was included in something big.

Of course, then it was over, and I went back to nowhere.

But I will always remember those campfire moments.

Blog Memories

I just went through and read all the posts of this blog in chronological order. From the beginning, to creepy Christmas, to awkwardness, to failure and success, I read everything.

And wow. This blog is pretty cool, if I do say so myself.

Some posts made me kind of sad. Like Moment of Truth. Because I knew exactly what happened after I wrote that post. :(

This blog has been around pretty long. Not a full year yet, but still, not too bad. And I'm not planning on ending it anytime soon.

In fact, I was thinking of starting a new series of posts. I'm not saying exactly what yet, so you nonexistent fans are just going to have to wait and see. Unless I decide not to do it after all.

But I think I should. Also, I'm going to try to get back into the routine of posting often. Possibly posting every day, or close to it.

So although this is a time of looking back, it's also a time of looking forward, and making improvements.

And just getting ready to have an awesome summer.

No Comment

Watch there be no comments on this post.

Then it will be a post called no comment with no comments.

How interesting...

So ummm... I don't know. Or IDK. Whichever you prefer.

Why did the chicken cross the road? No comment.

I mean, have you ever seen a chicken cross a road? I haven't. Maybe people who live on farms see chickens crossing the road every single day. And so they decided to make a terrible joke about it.

Maybe the chicken crossed the road just to get away from all the bad jokes.

Poor chicken. It's probably already dead because people (including myself) like eating chicken so much.

Oh well. That's just the way it goes.

Playwriting Update!

It is awesome.

I saw Clybourne Park.
Professional actors acted out a scene of my play.
I am still writing my play, and having much fun.
Tomorrow I will see Peter and the Starcatcher and Dogfight.
I can't wait!!!!!!

Excitement!
Again!

Excitement!

I am going to be in a playwriting program!

It's exciting!

I'm going to write plays!

And see some Broadway plays too!

It's like screenwriting! Except for plays! So I'm really excited because I loved screenwriting!

And maybe, just maybe I'll meet new people! But probably not. But maybe I will. Nothing is certain!
Ha ha, haven't used that phrase in a while! But now I did.

PLAYWRITING!!!

And Now A Poem...

What do you do?
What do you do when there's nothing to do?
Except wait and wait.
There's nothing left.
It's all gone away and there's nothing to do but wait until
It comes back
Too long to wait.
Don't know what to say
I just hope I get my act together.
I just hope I get my act together.

This is what happens when it's summer and you don't have enough friends.

It's The End

It's the end of the school year. Now what?

Epic Win!

Question: What do you do when you're really shy and you want to get to know the people in your grade?

Answer (an easy 8 step process!):

1. Make a survey about love
2. Distribute it to the entire grade
3. Read the responses
4. Write something about those responses that comes from your heart
5. Give that writing piece to your teacher to distribute during a publishing party
6. Freak out because everyone's reading your writing
7. Realize "oh wait, that actually went well"
8. Walk out of school happy!

Okay, so this won't work for everyone, but this is what happened to me and I. Feel. GREAT!

EPIC WIN! This makes up for the failure of my afterschool group. And the failure of various other things. Because this was an EPIC WIN!!!!!! I did something!!!

Some Awkward Moments

Awkward moments: they happen. They can be great. They can be amazing. But one thing they always are: just plain awkward.

So here are some awkward moments from my life. Enjoy!

That awkward moment when only one other person liked the same poem as me.

That awkward moment when I was inspired by an essay I didn’t read.

That awkward moment when I felt like dancing in humanities class.

Those awkward moments when I kept looking at people and when they looked back I would look down.

That awkward moment when no one showed up at my afterschool group.

That awkward moment when everything that I thought was wrong, and I was glad.

That awkward moment when a schedule was screwed up.

That awkward moment when the first three lines of a song made me immediately love it.

That awkward moment when the smallest notebook changed everything.

But, through all of this awkwardness, I am learning.

And here's a great video about awkward moments:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5__rFK07pGI

Wattpad!

I haven't posted in about a bazillion years. That's because I had school and homework, and I recently became part of this website called Wattpad. Basically, it's a place to share writing. It's cool, so check it out!

http://www.wattpad.com/user/TruRandomness

Life

I really haven't posted in a while. I don't even know what to write about now. Maybe just life in general.

Life is as awkward as a turtle, as annoying as homework, as fun as a birthday party, as sad as crying, as confusing as being lost, but we all have to get through it. And I try to enjoy it. I'm mostly successful I think. I just watch the world and look at what people are doing and then try to do those things myself, see if I enjoy them.

I listen, I hear ideas, and combine them in my mind. Many of my ideas aren't my own, but other people's ideas mixed together. And that's okay. That's how things work sometimes. Ideas don't just come from thin air, they come from other ideas, which in turn came from other ideas. So really, we're inspired by everyone, I guess. 

Life. Sometimes it's good to just say that word and think about it. Life. 

This Blog Has Been Shut Down

We are sorry for any inconvenience, but this blog has been shut down by the annoying committee of annoyingness. It has broken the following laws of Idontcare:

1. No dark rooms allowed.
2. No posting at 3:12 PM or 12:03 PM on a Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday.
3. No blogs with "woohoo" in the title.
4. No weird stuff allowed.
5. No orange text.

Due to the breaking of these very important blog rules, Woohoo. It's a blog. will have to be shut down. Starting next Thursday, when you go to this blog, all you will see is:

 > •_• <  This bloggy blog is no longer bloggily blogging.  > •_• <

-- The Idontcare Blog Police Who Hate the World

APRIL FOOOOOOOL!!!!
And here are some more:

Goodreads

Google Maps (click on quest)
Also Google Maps

Virgin Atlantic

Once...

Tomorrow I'm going to see the broadway show Once.  I'm looking forward to it.

I hope I'll enjoy the show. We heard a song from it in class called "Falling Slowly".  If this show is as good as the song, then it will be great.  I really liked that song for some reason.

I was thinking about it. You can interpret songs in so many different ways. Even people who have never really been in love can still find meaning in a love song. That's what I think happened with this song. When I saw the lyrics in class, I thought about how a lot of what the people are singing about can connect to my life.

I have had moments when I really wanted to get to know people. I've also had moments in which I needed to tell myself I still had time. This song is about things like that.

At least that's my interpretation.

And it's not just this song. In the past, I have also really felt attached to other songs. Music can help me get through problems, and I'm glad about that.

I can't wait to see the show tomorrow.

Tense Moments on Computers

That intense moment when your cursor is hovering over the send button and you're not sure what to do. Click it or not. There's still time to go back. You can still chicken out. But you're determined. So you close your eyes and press down.

Click! 

And it's done. There's no going back now. Now this email is working its way through the internet, where it will soon arrive in many inboxes, and you will get many replies. Or not. Not if you got the wrong address. Not if the people you're sending it to don't check their emails.  But you push those worries out of your mind. You've past the tense moment, and now you're going to be glad that you mustered up the courage to do it.

Dark Rooms

Darkrooms are very cool places.

They're pretty much what you would expect. Rooms that are dark.

Today I got to go into a darkroom for practice, because I'm going to take some photos with a pinhole camera tomorrow and develop them in a darkroom.

So I'm excited and looking forward to it. And if you've never made a pinhole camera, or been in a darkroom or any of that, you should.

Pictures Love Words

My science homework was to look at a picture taken by a pinhole camera and write a short story about it.

It was one of the most fun science homework assignments I've had in a while.

It's really cool to write a story based on an image. It's great inspiration, and looking at that pinhole camera gave me some really good ideas for my story.

I'm sure everyone sees pictures in a different way. Some people see a drawing, some people see a painting, some people see big questions to think about. In this case, I saw an interesting story.

To me, words and pictures go together very well. When you're writing you're supposed to create a picture in the reader's mind. When you're making images, you should make a poetic image, something that people are interested in, and want to describe with words.

Pictures and words, words and pictures, together forever.

Okay. Here's a Post.

I'm not exactly sure what to write about. I'm listening to "Someone Like You" right now. As I'm typing. For some reason I can do both at once. I guess because I'm just writing down what I think. And I can always think. I remember this song playing when I was playing volleyball in the gym in the beginning of the year. I liked it then just as much as I do now.

Oh, now the song's changed to "New World Coming".  I really like this song too. Well I guess I should like all of these songs, because they're in my iTunes. I really like music in general. I'm glad it exists. Without it, things would be so different.

Positive Feedback Loops

Last year when I was learning about global warming, my teacher used the term "positive feedback loop." He was explaining how global warming has certain effects which increase global warming more.

Basically, a positive feedback loop is when one thing increases something else which then increases the first thing. And on and on. So everything just gets bigger and bigger.

After that lesson about global warming, I started thinking about positive feedback loops. It's an interesting concept, and one that we can see in our everyday lives. It may seem surprising but it's true.

The reason why I'm writing this now is that I feel like I'm in the middle of one of these loops right now. Here's how it is.

1. I want to have someone to talk to.
2. I decide to try and interact with people.
3. It ends up not working for some reason (example: I just can't bring myself to interact with anyone)
4. I get upset so...
5. I want to have someone to talk to.

See how it goes? The feeling of wanting someone I can talk to just gets more and more intense. And there are people I can talk to. But there's no one I can talk to about not having anyone to talk to. It's confusing. My life is a confusing mess. But I still love it.

For example, today I went back to school and it was great just to be there again. Just to see everyone. I don't even know any of these people very well, but I just really like the environment of my group. Hearing people talking and fooling around and laughing. It's just great. I love when other people are so happy. But it's kind of bittersweet, because there's always a part of me that wishes I were a part of that.

But I'm not. That's why I try to be. The thing is, I have no idea what to do next. So the positive feedback loop keeps on going.

Issues

The world has issues.

It's true. There are so many problems that people don't know which one to focus on.  At least I don't.

But I've decided. Not on one specific issue, but i've decided to try and inform people about those issues nobody else sees as important. Maybe they aren't important for others. But they are for me.

Issues like loneliness in schools, like people not seeing the little things that can make us happy, like how every single issue in this world is important.

Many people want everyone else to care about the same things they care about. Sometimes, a lot of people do care, and they form a charity, or something like that.

The thing is, there will always be people who don't care about the same issues you do. But it's not necessarily because they disagree with your ideas. It's because they have another issue they care about more.

I remember one time when me and a friend of mine were having a sale to stop puppy mills, someone came up to us and told us we should be raising money to help people in Haiti (because this was right after the earthquake). That person cared most about the earthquake in Haiti and would rather donate money to that cause than to stopping puppy mills.

People may be upset about this, that not everyone cares about the issues they do. I know I have. But now I realize this: it's really not necessary to have the whole world care about the cause that you do. As long as you inform people about your cause, and they listen, you're getting something done. They don't have to care, but if they know you care, they might help you.

Everyone can't care about one issue, but everyone can be informed about it.

Google Docs

Yeah, it's a strange thing to write a post about. But Google Docs is what I do a lot of my schoolwork on, and it's pretty cool, so why not?

One of the interesting things about Google Docs is that when there's a public document, there's a list of everyone who's viewing it. But it doesn't actually say who they are it just says :


     Anonymous User 3


     Anonymous User 30


     Anonymous User 4


It just shows everyone viewing the document as anonymous users. Sometimes when I'm looking at a science homework document I wonder who those other people are. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to start typing and have a conversation over the computer with a random person from my grade. 


I wonder if any of those other people represented by those little colored squares think about these same things. I doubt it. But who knows? Nothing is certain. Maybe one of the eight people who's looking at the science homework now is looking at the square that represents me and wondering who I am.


WAIT! Make that nine! Someone just opened the document. I have the Google Docs window open in the background right now. OOH! I know what I'm going to do! I'm going to link to this post so those nine people see it. I wonder if anyone will click on it. 


So if you got here from the Google Doc, please comment on this. I want to see if my little experiment works!

Grammys (and Grampys)

Tomorrow people will win awards. For music. For some reason this is called the Grammys. Who came up with that name, and what is it supposed to mean? Did someone's grandma win these awards first? And they called them the Grammys in honor of her???? Probably not.

Music is good for the world, and the people who make it deserve to be rewarded. Life just wouldn't be the same without music.

Some people might not care about music, but for me music is important in many different ways. Some songs make me feel a certain way, some bring back memories, some have really good lyrics, and some are just fun.

And some songs are all of the above. So I hope those kind of songs get Grandma Awards! Err... um... I mean Grammys.

Screenwriting. Is. AMAZING!

Wow.  Haven't posted in a while.  But as I mentioned in my last post, I am now in screenwriting class! And it is fun already!

The first day (yesterday) we played the chair game, in which we have to get up from our chair when we agree with the statement being read. It sounds boring, but it's actually pretty fun, and you get to see how many people agree with you on things. After that, we watched a creepy short film called Tell Tale which freaked out the entire screenwriting group (myself included). What a nice way to end the day!

Today was the second day, and things were a bit different. We didn't watch a short film, but we read a short screenplay and practiced giving polite, but constructive criticism. The reason we did this is because some students are going to share their screenplays with the whole class.

My teacher had asked yesterday who wanted to do this and I had raised my hand along with a bunch of other people. And today she was saying that we wouldn't be able to read everyone's screenplays so raise your hand if you really really want to do this. I still raised my hand, along with a bunch of people.

I didn't want to prevent anyone else from sharing, so I normally wouldn't do something like that. But screenwriting is very important to me. And at the end of the last cycle of screenwriting, only two people that I know of read my screenplay and I really want more people to know about it.

Sometimes I think that people just don't care. I really thought more than two people would read my screenplay. But that didn't happen. I almost feel bad for wanting to share my piece with the whole class when they would probably care more about some other screenplay. But I really want to do this. So I will, for once. I hope things work out, but no matter what, I'm in SCREENWRITING!!! Which means things really can't be that bad.

I'd Rather be in School...

In six days amazing things will happen. I will have screenwriting class again instead of this class. I hate that I have to wait six days. I want it to start because it will give me something to look forward to at the end of the school day. Not that I have a problem with this class I have now, but screenwriting is just more exciting. Before I get to screenwriting though, I have to get through a weekend.

Weekends are pretty pointless for me. I'm sure a lot of people would freak out if they knew, but I like school better than weekends a lot of the time. It's not just that I like learning, because I've always liked learning. It's just that things are great and I'm getting stuff done and it's a good environment. School for me is better than it's ever been before. It still is good to have a break though.

I want a lot of people I know to read this post. If that happens then some of these people would talk about how weird I was because I like school. Well, those people can do that. It's better that people know and don't like it than no one knowing at all. But the main reason I want people to read this is because I'm sure other people have been in similar situations when they're afraid to say something about themselves because it's not cool or something. I used to not want to tell anyone this but now I have. I hope this inspires others to do the same.

Hello World!

One time I asked a friend of mine how to say "world" in Spanish because I wanted to say "hello world!"

When I asked her, she said "Yo no sé." so I shouted "¡Hola yo no sé!"

Then she told me that "yo no sé" meant I don't know, and she said it because she didn't know how to say "world" in Spanish.

We both laughed because I had said "hello I don't know!"

So my afterschool group didn't work out. So what. It's the end of one thing, but now something new will begin. One door may have closed, but another door will open.

I'm saying goodbye to this one plan but I can say hello to some new opportunity that will come. I don't know what that will be yet, but it will be something. So for me it's time to say "¡Hola yo no sé!" "Hello I don't know!"

All Time Low

It's all messed up. Even more messed up than before any of this started. No one showed up to my afterschool group. Now I have absolutely zero idea about what to do.

svufiqueh ivuybqieurghnivhqerughnvunvwurg vuihieuhgh

Uggggghhhhhhh! What is the point! I wasted too much time on something no one cared about. And now what? Nothing. NOTHING came out of it. I was so wrong when I thought this would work. Now I'm lost and I don't know where to go.

Moment of Truth

Soon I will know what the outcome of all my efforts for this afterschool group will be. Today will either be the end of it all, or just the beginning. Or both. I don't know, but soon I will.

I'm anxious, even though I know there's nothing I can do about it anymore. Just wait and see where the day takes me. I have to be calm and not freak out if things don't go the way I planned. All I can do is hope.

There are moments like this in everyone's lives. Moments of truth. I'm about to run right into one. But this moment right now is like a moment of serenity. The calm before the storm. Hanging on to what I have the last second before it's gone. What will replace it is unsure. So I sit calmly with what I have until everything changes.

I'm prepared for this change as much as I can be. I can never be fully prepared. Because if we expect the unexpected, the expected becomes the unexpected. Even if we try and think of everything that could happen, there's always going to be one scenario we miss. And that's the scenario that's going to happen.

It's like being in a rainstorm. You think you're prepared because you have an umbrella. But then the umbrella breaks, and you get soaked. Sometimes though, getting soaked isn't a bad thing. Sometimes the rain refreshes you, gives you hope, makes you realize how lucky you are that you can be here and you can enjoy it and let it go and let yourself get wet.

I don't know how this is going to go, but soon I will. Will my umbrella protect me? And if it doesn't, will the rain depress me, or will it make my happy? I'm excited, I'm ready,  and I'm glad that today is finally here.

Tomorrow

Wednesday, January 25, 2012. It's the day I've been waiting for since the beginning of school in 2012. And it is tomorrow. Tomorrow I will attempt to start an afterschool group. This has been my goal for the past few weeks. It has given me something to focus on. And tomorrow I will either achieve this goal... or not. It remains to be seen.

I've put so much time and effort into this that if it doesn't work, I don't know what I'll do. Come up with a new goal I guess. But what? The afterschool opportunity just presented itself to me on a poster at the beginning of this year. It was lucky, and I don't think that kind of luck will come my way again.

So tomorrow... I'm nervous, excited, scared, relieved that I won't have to wait any longer, all at the same time. Tomorrow seems like it's going to be a huge explosion, hopefully a good huge explosion. And I think I'm ready for it.

Tables

Tables are a strange thing in school. In some classes we seem to change tables every few weeks. In some classes, we never change tables.

This can get kind of annoying, all these different tables changing or not. But I think I can do pretty well at any table. There are good things about every group of people and bad things. In fact, every person has good things and bad things about them.

So even at the times when I really want to switch tables, which isn't often, I might not end up with a table that's a whole lot better, just different. But sometimes different is just what I need.

Same if it's the other way around. If I really want to stay at my table, and then we switch, it still would probably be good for me because it's a change. Some people hate change, but I think change is good and also important.

Even just a change in table is important. There are so many things I wouldn't have done, or it would have been harder for me to do, if I wouldn't have been at certain tables.

Small things matter. That's what I have to say. Small things like tables and changes in tables.

And there are more of these table changes coming my way. I have good reasons to believe that things are going to switch up again soon. I can't be sure, you know, nothing is certain. These new table changes I'm dreading, but also excited for. Because the worst case scenario is I'll just learn something new. The best case scenario is I'll learn something new, and enjoy it too.

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas?

The first snow. Finally. Well, if you want to be really exact it was the second snow. There was that one tiny snow a few weeks ago, but today was the first real snowstorm that actually left snow all over the ground.

I wonder why people associate snow with Christmas. Why people (including myself) always want a "White Christmas". I guess because it's a winter holiday and snow just completes the holiday scene. There are so many Christmas cards with those wintery scenes that people just expect Christmas to be like that.

So I guess the first Christmas snow was a bit late. And it kind of turned into freezing rain towards the end there. But it was beautiful. There's no denying that. Well I guess there is because "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" and all that. But I always think snow is beautiful thing.

Messed Up Time

The time is all messed up on this blog. Right now it's 3:19 PM. But the time will probably show as midnight or something weird. I don't know why it's like this.

Woohoo. It's a blog. I don't even know why I called it that. I just did because it was random, and at that point I felt like being sarcastic because I wasn't as excited as I am now. Now I kind of like this blog. It's good to have a secret journal that everybody can see. Sometimes that's how I think of it - a journal that's open to the public. Not like anyone cares, but, oh well. I know someone read this once and that's all that matters. That this isn't just for me.

Now, at the top of the page, under "Woohoo. It's a blog." I added "Or maybe it's not. Nothing is certain." I think that's a good addition, because that's my attitude about it now. I don't know what to call it or when to post on it, or what to post. I just post what I feel like at one moment. None of it is certain. But, in my opinion, it's still pretty awesome.

Helplessness

I hate when I have something to do, but I'm not able to do it.

There is so much I need to do, but instead of doing it, I have to sit in this room.

I can't do anything now, except wait. And I've already waited too much in this short life of mine. The difference is, before, I could do something about it. Now I can't.

I want to get out of here. I want it to be tomorrow so I can make the announcement I need to and get ready for the thing I have planned in a week. I really hope it works. I just really really hope it works.

There are some things I can't control. But I will do what I can to make this work.

Everyone Has Something To Offer

As I sit
And I watch
And I hear
The people go by

Sometimes
I just don't get it
I ask myself
Why?

Why do we change from day to day
hour to hour
minute to minute?

I don't understand
but one thing I know
is everyone has something to offer

Everyone can think
Everyone can talk
Everyone can agree and disagree

So even when all hope seems lost
It's not.

There's always someone
who can offer the thing that we need

There's always someone who agrees with us
and someone who disagrees

So though the things they offer may be different
Everyone has something to offer.

Life is Like a Roller Coaster

Life goes up and down all the time. Something really good happens, then something bad. You win, you fail, you win, you fail. Over and over again.

That's why, when I fail, I try not to get too upset about it. Because I know good things will come my way.
Friday (the last resort) was good. Today was bad, then good. Now after all of this roller coaster-ing, I feel good. I am prepared for things to get worse but I'm not being negative. I'm just sitting on this roller coaster of life, enjoying the ride.

Friday Is A Last Resort

resort |riˈzôrt|noun1 a place that is a popular destination for vacations or recreation, or which is frequented for a particular purpose : a seaside resort | a health resort.• archaic the tendency of a place to be frequented by many people : places of public resort.2 the action of turning to and adopting a strategy or course of action, esp. a disagreeable or undesirable one, so as to resolve a difficult situation : Germany and Italy tried to resolve their economic and social failures by resort to fascism.• [in sing. ] a strategy or course of action that may be adopted in a difficult situation : her only resort is surgery.(definition from Oxford American Dictionaries widget)
I'm talking about definition number 2. I don't know. Maybe there's some town called Friday where people go on vacation. Nothing is certain.
But if there is, that's not what I mean. I mean definition number 2. Because Friday is the last day of the school week. So if you want to get something done at school, Friday is your last chance. If you fail Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, there's still that one glimmer of hope called Friday.
I don't like waiting until the last minute. Never have. But sometimes, it's the only way I can get myself to do something. Knowing that it's my last chance.
So Friday is my last resort. Good thing tomorrow is Friday the 13th, because that's my lucky day.
Seriously, it is! For everyone else it's unlucky, so I decided to make it my lucky day. So tomorrow will be a good day!